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| Spanking can get you jail time. |
| Posted: Tuesday, January 23, 2007 |
Assemblywoman Sally Lieber will introduce a bill to make it a crime in the state of California to spank children who are 3 years old or younger. Under the bill, spankers can be punished with jail time or a $1,000 fine, with first time violators serving 20-minute time-outs before being sent to parenting classes.
If my experience with child-rearing is indicative of anything, I would urge Ms. Lieber to rewrite that bill and change the age to 4 years old and under. I have spanked my kid maybe three times in her little 8-year lifetime, and all spanking events took place in one particularly challenging period, right around the 4-year old mark. Boy, she a little wildcat there for a while. I spanked because I truly thought I had exhausted every other avenue of action, and even though I never administered the bare-bottom, repeat spank-spank-spank that some people gift their children with (it was always just one single solitary 'fwap'),
I realized that the spanking was becoming habit for me. Spanking was a quick release, relieving my frustration but providing no other benefit.
Post-spank, after the mommy cool-down period, I would feel like an idiot. I would find myself in my daughter's room offering hugs, kisses, apologies and demands for better behavior. I have since traded in the spanking for a targeted, pre-emptive approach to behavior management that appears to be working well for our family.
Lieber reasons that children under 3 years old "don't understand" spanking, and that the act of spanking trains children "in violence and domination, even when it's moderate." I would readily agree that spanking, and sometimes just the threat of a spanking, is overkill for tiny children, and it's for this reason that her bill strikes me (get it?) as a good idea. But suppose it is passed and becomes law.
How will the law be enforced? Will every child 3 years old and under receive subcutaneous buttock sensors? That won't stop hit-happy parents. They'll only end up frightening their child by saying things like "Just wait until you turn four. As soon as those sensors are removed you're in for it."
It seems to me that hitters, should this bill become law, would simply find other ways of inflicting abuse. Or they'll just move to a neighboring state:
"Come to Nevada: Toddlers are fair game."
The intention of a spanking is to allow a parent to inflict a teensy bit of pain (just enough to get the child's full attention) with a splash of humiliation in hopes that the offending act committed by their child will not be repeated. This might work for some children some of the time, but it's the very young children that Lieber aims to protect with her bill. How can a spanking benefit a 6-month old child, or a 1-year old?
Lieber expects support from Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger who, according to a quote in the San Jose Mercury News, said that he " ... got smacked about everything ... " as a child in Austria but has never hit his own kids. Dear God, I should hope not. Can you imagine having a ticked-off Arnold Schwarzenegger coming at you with intent to punish? That would be the ultimate "wait 'till your father gets home" panic.
As a child, I was spanked occasionally, but only by my mother, and usuallly with the aid of a large wooden mixing spoon. I guess she figured if she kept her hand from actually making contact with my flesh, she wasn't really delivering the punishment. Still, I suppose it is natural to want to exert your Alpha-human tendencies by showing your child that ultimately, physically, you are in charge.
To the parents who spank or are feeling the urge to spank, I might suggest a quick tickling session instead. You can skillfully overpower your child and inflict torture in a dominant fashion, but instead of crying and fear, you will elicit shrieks of laughter. I have done this a few times and find it satisfying, in a passive-aggressive way. And the best part is, you'll find your child to be more receptive to your concerns after you have both had a good giggle.
Laughter is healing. Spanking is not. I would like to see Lieber's bill become a law.
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