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| A packet of three and some Viagra please. |
| Posted: Tuesday, February 13, 2007 |
The past two years of my spending inordinate amounts of time with my computer have brought to light a few tidbits of information. One, there are a heck of a lot of "hot" Christian singles in my area, and two, there seems to be a great need for men to procure gigantic penises. These penises must stay erect for hours and hours, and additionally they must produce spectacular amounts of ejaculate.
According to my spam emails, men need this if they want to "perform like a porn star" or "be a hero in bed."
I once followed a link from one of these emails, and it led me to a website that sold a variety of magic Penis Pills. This website was peppered with glowing reviews, as well as proclamations of so-called positive effects of the pills. One pill was designed to dissolve under the tongue for speedy absorption into the bloodstream. This in turn supplies Mr. Lucky with a "powerful, lasting effect of up to 36 hours." Now, what is someone going to do with a "powerful" 36-hour erection? All I can say is don't look at me.
Another pill promised a "bigger, longer, stronger" organ. Well now, bigger -- yes, I can see where "bigger" might be appealing for some. And longer, sure. Longer isn't necessarily a bad quality for a penis to have. But stronger? What, may I ask, does one need a strong penis for? Moving furniture? Opening stubborn jar-lids? And for the pill-shy there was even a penis enlargement patch. This method, according to Robbie M. of Sacramento, Ca. is " ... by far the most powerful penis enlargement product that I have ever used, and I've used them all."
He's used them all, folks.
The never-ending spam emails regaling these pills and patches have me wondering why there is such urgency for organ enhancement. I did a little bit of research as to the causes of impotence and erectile dysfunction, and the main chink in man's tumescent armor is stress.
Pfizer must be making bazillions of dollars off of these poor anxiety-ridden men. And to make Pfizer fit even more snugly into the role of drug pusher, they are considering making Viagra available as an over-the-counter drug in the U.S., even with the potential negative side effects such as sudden vision loss and angry four-hour erections. Still, Pfizer is looking at their options. Fierce competition from Eli Lilly (makers of Cialis) might have something to do with Pfizer's decision to have Viagra go OTC, and in fact, Viagra will indeed be available for purchase in this manner during pilot program that is set to launch at three Manchester, England chemists.
In order to receive the pills, prospective Mancunian Viagra-eaters will need to supply a complete medical history and have their blood pressure, cholesterol and glucose levels tested. They also need to bring in three dissatisfied sexual partners who will give testimony to the wretched tininess that is the pitiful excuse for their penis, and write a short essay describing their particular need to obtain a penis the size of a piece of children's furniture.
One more question: why does the onus of organ enhancement need to fall upon the men? Perhaps vaginas have simply become bigger. Pfizer might want to consider developing some sort of vaginal shrinkage pill (Vaginagra?) just to take the pressure off of the guys for awhile. And who knows? Once the pressure is turned off, something else might just turn on.
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